Men's Path to Fulfillment: A Guide for Men's Groups and Individuals With Personal Exercises

By F. Anthony Bushman Ph. D., M. Divinity.

Table of Contents

Chapter Subject

Preface ................................................................................................................... 2

Taking Risks ............................................................................................ 4

Choice and Attitudes ............................................................................ 5

A note to Your Partner ....................................................................... 6

Table of Contents ............................................................................................ 7

Part I Creating Men's Community-Getting Started

1 Introduction to Part I .......................................................................... 12

2 Forming Men’s Communities and Varieties of Men’s Groups ... 13

3. How to Create a Men’s Community ..................................................... 16

4. A Note About Self- Directed Group Leadership for Connection. 17

5. Setting Up Men’s Groups .......................................................................... 19

6. Keeping Men’s Groups Energized .......................................................... 20

6. Organizing Your Men's Growth Group- The first meeting ........... 21

7. Second organizing meeting- issues to be covered, formats,

expectations, guidelines, schedules, roster .................................. 24

8. Getting Agreement on Format and Content ...................................... 27

9. Designing and Leading Experiential Exercises

for Personal Growth ............................................................................... 32

Part II Building Blocks for Knowing and Trusting Each Other

10. Introduction to Part II ........................................................................... 36

11. Father's and Sons Life Map................................................................... 37

12. Meditation and Letter to Dad .............................................................. 41

13. Mother's and Sons Life Map ................................................................. 45

14. Experiencing our Feelings through "Art" ........................................ 48

15. Experiencing Our Feelings through Dialoguing / Journaling .. 51

16. Experiencing Our Feelings through Movement ............................ 54

17. Understanding Ourselves and Our Feelings-Dream Analysis . 57

18. Getting in Touch with Our Feelings Using

Projection Techniques- Paintings or Tarot ............................. 60

19. Getting in Touch with Our Feelings Using

Projection Techniques -I Ching ................................................... 62

20. Drumming .................................................................................................... 65

21. Drumming, Lying Meditation and Healing ...................................... 68

(Practices to Develop the Inner Healer ............... 72)

22. Showing Up- Warrior Work Part 1 (Summary pg. 90) ............ 75

23. Showing Up- Showing Up to Yourself Part 2 ................................ 82

24. Showing Up- When You Don't Show Up Part 3 .............................. 84

25. Showing Up- Exploring Ways of Not Showing Up Part 4 ........ 87

26. Finding Allies and Support...................................................................... 91

27. Networking- Learning How to Ask for Help in a Healthy Way 94

28. Asking for 100 % of What We Want and

Training Others to Give Us what we want ............................. 97

29. Friendship Day ............................................................................................ 103

30. Discovering and Living Your Values ................................................. 106

Abraham Maslow's List of Values ....................... (110)

List of Values ................................................................ (111)

31. Meaningful work and Exhilarating Play: Do You Have Enough 112

32. Planning Shared Activity for Fun ........................................................ 115

33. Designing a Personal Day of Fun (Fun Inventory (121) ......... 118

34. Playing ............................................................................................................. 122

35. Paying Attention to What Has Heart

and Meaning- Healer Work Part 1 (Summary p. 127)........... 125

36. Paying Attention- Acknowledging & Receiving Part 2 ............... 129

37. Seeing and Telling the Truth- Visionary Work Part 1 ................ 132

38. Seeing and Telling the Truth- Spiritual Vision Part 2 ................. 134

39. Seeing and Telling the Truth- Part 3 (Summary pg. 137)......... 136

(Practices to Develop the Inner Visionary ......pg. 138)

40. Showing and Receiving Appreciation ................................................. 139

41. Giving Affirmations ( Meditation ) .................................................... 143

42. Do You Need to Review Your Relationship? ...................................... 146

43. Reducing Our Fears and Protections in Romantic Relationships 149

(Fears and Protections You Hold ......................... pg. 151)

(Protection Self-Assessment ............................... pg. 152)

44. Men's Romantic Relationship Values and Assessment ................ 155

45. Romantic Relationship Goals ................................................................... 159

46. Developing Emotional Intimacy ............................................................ 162

Intimacy Rules ...................................................... (pg. 165)

End-of-day Personal Daily Assessment ......... (pg. 166)

Review of Loving Behavior ................................ (pg. 167)

Heart Talks ................................................................ (pg. 168)

47. Making Appealing Romantic Sensual Offers ..................................... 170

48. Enhancing Men's Sexual Skills-(Suggestions ...........pg. 177)........ 175

49. Wise Loving Vulnerability ................................................................ 180

Building Blocks for Wise Loving Vulnerability ....( pg. 182)

50. Practicing Wise Loving Behavior ..................................................... 183

Model of Loving Behavior (Discussion) ......... (pg. 183)

Model of Loving Behavior (detailed) ............... (pg. 189)

What is Wise Loving Behavior? ......................... (pg. 190)

51. Trusting the Process Without Attachment-(Summary pg. 194) 192

(Practices for Facilitating You Trusting the Process .pg. 195)

52. Trusting the Process Part 2 ..................................................................... 196

53. Trusting the Process Part 3 ..................................................................... 198

54. Handling Conflicting Wants in a Significant Relationship ........ 200

55. Defusing Hidden Explosive Situations-Telling Withholds. ....... 203

56. Defusing Rage and Anger - Safe Dumping ....................................... 206

57. Getting Rid of the Inner Critic ............................................................... 210

58. Mentoring- Fostering Growth in Others ............................................ 215

59. Men's Liberation- Rights & New Roles .............................................. 218

60. Dealing with Emotional Personal Pain in Our Lives...................... 223

61. Dealing with Our Fears of the Future ................................................. 226

62. Saying Good-bye to a Group Member ................................................ 228

63. Preparing Yourself and Others For Your Death .............................. 230

64. Grieving Our Losses .................................................................................... 233

65. Writing Your Will ........................................................................................ 236

66. Developing a Philosophy for Living in Your House ....................... 246

67. Giving Criticism .......................................................................................... 250

(Principles .......................................................... 253)

68. Receiving Criticism ...................................................................................... 255

(Self- Image Survey ..................................... 259)

(Self - Criticism Assessment ..................... 260)

69. Dealing with Difficult People .................................................................. 261

70. Feeling and Expressing Anger Constructively- .............................. 264

(Anger / Conflict Worksheet ...................... 267)

(Anger Dialogue ................................................. 268)

71. How to Create Surplus and Discover Our Abundance .................. 269

72. Getting Results .............................................................................................. 273

(Weekly Report .................................................. 274)

(How to Get Results ......................................... 277)

73. Knowing What You Want and Getting It............................................ 278

74. Parenting Skills-Improving Your Child's Sensory Awareness . 280

75. Abuse-Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Verbal ....................................... 287

((Assessment ...................................................... 289)

Part III Exploring Extended Spiritual and Personal Growth - day long and weekend retreats, and short series modules.

Introduction Part III ............................................................................... 291

76. Finding and Healing our Emotional Wounds .................................. 292

77. Honoring Our Gifts and Our Wounds .................................................. 298

78. Spiritual Guides & Sacred Places : Exploring Your

Spirituality Part 1 ................................................................................ 301

79. Spiritual Journey: Exploring Your

Spirituality Part 2 ................................................................................. 306

80. Men's Spiritual Experiences & Definitions of Spirituality Pt 3.. 312

81. Men's Spirituality vs. Women's Spirituality Part 4 ....................... 315

82. Men's Spirituality and Sexuality Part 5 ............................................. 319

83. Family Interaction Relationship Map & Messages We Live By 323

84. Personal Life Stories ................................................................................... 326

85. How to Manage Anger and Conflict [Tables in ( )].......................... 329

Understanding The Contributors to Behavior (340)

Thoughts And Expectations Leading To Conflict (342)

Expressing Anger (345)

How to Respond to Other's Anger (346)

Being Assertive, Confronting, and Negotiating (348)

How to De-escalate Anger When You Are Wrong (350)

Active Listening (351)

Sending Difficult Personal Messages (352)

Steps to Effective Communication/Conflict Resolution(353)

Roadblocks to Communication (354)

"I" Messages Versus "You" Messages (355)

86. Creating a Vision Quest .............................................................................. 356

87. Men's Discussion Topics ................................................................................... 365

Men's Bibliography .............................................................................................. 371

Some Short Mens Stories ................................................................................ 374

Author's Biography ............................................................................................ 377

to contact the author email Tony Bushman tbushman@sfsu.edu

http://userwww.sfsu.edu/~tbushman

No part of this rough draft is to be reproduced or used by anyone without the written consent of the author.